flows like butter.

Among the slop of barstools we were introduced,
had her pulse, perhaps, become any sadder

I think you want a period or a semicolon instead of a comma at the end of "introduced".

"But this is about mammals."
slunk from me, suppressed

Should that period be a comma?

I think you have some commas where enjambment would work just as well, if not better, but it's much of a muchness. The enjambment is weak in places too, BUT it works well with the rhythm so i wouldn't tweak it.

Like all your poetry this reads exceptionally well aloud but i always find myself tripping up when i start looking deeper. For example:

yet I am still at ravage in sleep,

I have no idea what this line means. I considered it could be an allusion but i'm missing it.

and I boiled to beat my extinction out the door,
then very swaggered, watched a swallowtail
swirl on the landing of an arid alleyway
to tatter its wings, so pasted
to a piece of warm gum.

This whole stanza lacks substance. "My extinction" is abstract and you don't seem to further define it. How does a swallowtail swirl? What does "arid" add? That kind of thing.

--
cunning linguist, anyone?

I agree and don’t agree with this assessment.

I think the first section has great moments, but it’s a little convoluted and was difficult for me to follow. I like the image of the bird, but I didn't fully “get it” until the third time through. (Of course I tend to be a little slow.) I agree with Toni that “extinction” is abstract, but I think I got the gist. The "butterfly" reference seems without context. Was it a pet name?

The middle section gains momentum, but ends on a convoluted note. I think “only ingesting on my stabler days” would get the point across more clearly, but even with that, the stanza seems like it could use rework.

The final section is amazing and made me forgive—each time—the effort that it took to get there.

~M

--
You are the circus, I am the freak. [link]

That was meant to be a semicolon, thank you for pointing that out.

Should that period be a comma?

I see that is a question and am aware I gave an odd verb for 'said'. But no, it is correct. Perhaps the structure was misleading, and I wondered on that. Here I used ordinary dialogue grammar but instead of using something so ordinary and clunky as 'said slowly', I chose 'slunk'.

Now let us look at 'slunk'. It means to lower, basically but verbally. With slunk I was addressing the narrator's need for admission with no counter. The narrator at this point is at a crunch-time. He only has time to slink, and do it well, before he runs.

--

yet I am still at ravage in sleep,

An allusion, maybe, but it isn't hard to see on the surface. How many times did you read this? The title alone lets the reader know there is a lack of sleep. The closing punctuates it. If the loose grammar bothers you I have no excuse for that but: I am a writer. I feel that using a verb in place of a noun is coherent in this certain place. So yes, I know I screwed the grammar. Ravage is my a nice choice for the atmosphere, where the narrator is starting to disassociate.
--

This whole stanza lacks substance. "My extinction" is abstract and you don't seem to further define it. How does a swallowtail swirl? What does "arid" add? That kind of thing.

Extinction is not as abstract as you think. Refer to the top part again.

As for the swallowtail, perhaps I misguided my readers, but the swirl was due to death, tattered wings, in the warm gum. A butterfly that is stuck only flies in a swirling circle or never flies again. And arid refers to the warm gum. Warm gum makes no sense without an arid atmosphere. This is South Georgia in the Summer. That answers your 'arid' also.

Thank you for your criticism, but unfortunately it wasn't much help.

--
love so deep, kills you in your sleep

the whole poem is abstract, not only "my extinction". abstraction is valid in literature, why should it be "defined"? it's as if you'd never read poetry before. a swallowtail obviously doesn't swirl in any logical way, it IS a metaphor, i can assure you. the difference between an arid alleway and an alleway is, precisely, that the former is arid. what else should an adjective add? that kind of thing.

--
deviant art will ban you for being mean.

I love this,but I was voted out of poetry 101, and am still ravage in sleep. I think I understand the appendages and all the words in between. When I hear your interpretation, your words, your intentions,thay are so very different from mine, They ride the same road, but I see other things. OMG!! Could this truly be an artform? Whatever it takes to make one think, is what you have nailed. You walk a dusty road.

Just quickly for that whole slunk thing, I understood that the phrase was slinking from you but I'm pretty sure it's common dialogue practice that if the sentence continues outside of the dialogue you should have a comma instead of a period within the quotation marks. That could be where the confusion was lying there.

I've definitely enjoyed this piece on a quick assessment and I'll be back for a longer one when I have clothes on.

Thank you for that clarification. I see the err now since you presented my wronging in a direct manner. Correction noted.

--
love so deep, kills you in your sleep

I want to draw attention to that last line. You son of a bitch.

My criticism lies near the beggining: 'had her pulse, perhaps, become any sadder ' draws a bad image for me. I don't see how a pulse would be sad, though of course I understand it well enough. When saying reptile, it almost seems skin would feel right here- her skin being cold. But that's just a thought.

'and I boiled to beat my extinction out the door'. This line doesn't feel so hot for me. You boiling to do anything is a tough image, i don't feel it is used strongly here.

the last is more a question; is the last dialogoue spoken aloud by the narrator to himself, or is it a dialogue between two people?

Otherwise, parts two and three knock it out of the park.

--
"The ending is brilliant. Seriously. I might get that inscribed on my casket someday so God will understand."

I don't know. I'd offer criticism, but perhaps I would be jumped on by your vanguard.